i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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