Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
