I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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