Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
