this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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