it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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