i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
