so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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