She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
