She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
