Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
