1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She bit a glass in half.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
