no, he came in my armpit
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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