if i died would you start the facebook group?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
