I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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