so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is the high leading the old right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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