she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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