Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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