My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
