why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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