i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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