I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
