He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
