Soap is not a condiment
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
