i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
