this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
