you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
