I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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