Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
