This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sober January is a disaster.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
