It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
