i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
