ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my sisters under your porch take her home
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
