Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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