we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Life is so much better after having sex.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
