It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
