I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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