..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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