The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
