I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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