There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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