I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
