She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
your like the ambassador to my penis.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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