hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
