I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
