Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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