So drunk its hurt
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
