I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
