He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
