well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
