I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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